parenting styles

i came across this article on yahoo! news this morning about how college students today are more narcissistic than those of previous generations. it's not surprising, and the article goes into how technology these days encourages self-centeredness and attention-seeking, which i definitely agree with. however, i think that it's a situation where certain areas of technology have grown (youtube, etc) because of the self-centeredness, rather than the idea that is is other way around (i.e., the technology leading to narcissistic views/behaviors).

it got me thinking... from my teenage years on, i would see children in stores, restaurants, etc. walking all over their parents. the kids always got their way, and the parents were hesitant to discipline them in any way (forget about a smack them on the butt) for fear of being seen as the enemy and having to deal with an unhappy kid. not shocking that these kids have tended to develop a monstrous sense of entitlement, which i think is definitely related to what the study found in terms of current college students' beliefs about their self-importance.

when i would see permissive parenting in action (ha), i remember repeatedly thinking about how my sister and i would never have gotten away with acting like that, particularly in public. we would have been promptly removed from the setting, told that how we were acting was unacceptable, and punished in some way. we likely cried, yelled at our parents, or even told them we hated them (sorry mom and dad), but it didn't damage us. we also were not brought up in the "everybody gets a trophy" world. we experienced loss and disappointment, which, while it must be difficult for parents to see their children go through, is important to learn about. we learned that we wouldn't always get what we wanted in life and how to cope with that. we learned humility and graciousness, and to be appreciative and thankful for what we had, rather than just expecting it to be given to us.

i don't know when the shift occurred from the authoritative parenting of my childhood to the more permissive style, but it seems to have been in the mid to late 80's. i'm hoping that others in my generation see the damage that exceedingly permissive parenting does and that, as a result, there is a swing back to more authoritative styles. i see more parents able to discipline their kids, and enough research and literature has come out about how parenting that combines love and limits (example here) is what is best for kids.

i'm planning on being a very loving and supportive parent when i have kids someday, and i completely believe in allowing children to have appropriate levels of independence and their own opinions, which they should feel they can share freely. but, there will definitely be rules and limits, which will be enforced.

i think my parents definitely brought us up right, and i hope that someday i can do the same for my kids.